I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
