We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
