We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
