Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
