Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
