A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
