They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
