My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
