I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
