when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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