That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
