sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
