I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
