sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
