You smell like a Billy Joel song
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize