Christians are straight up FREAKS
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
