I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
