Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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