Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
