oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
His hands were made for my vagina.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
