I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She needs sedatives and a leash
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
