The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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