I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
