don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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