i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
