i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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