I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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