OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
