I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
