I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
