Your tits are I can't wait for
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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