The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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