Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
