I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
