Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
another moral hangover. fuck.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
