It was like getting head from an anaconda
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
