meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
