I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
