He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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