I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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