I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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