You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
