If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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