He kissed a someone with a penis
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
