She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
