My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
