The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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