i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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