She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
