I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
