My first STD was from a foam party
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
