what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
