I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
