I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
