I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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