she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
