in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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