omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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