she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What a dumb baby whore.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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