in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The adults are the big ones right?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
