if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
