My brain says no but my pants say off.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
