Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
