I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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