Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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