i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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