um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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