just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
