DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
